2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围app

Dear Richard Madeley: 'My middle son is holding the rest of us to ransom with his tantrums'

Our agony uncle answers your questions each week. Write to him at dearrichard@wrpcnnpcng.com

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My husband was the peacemaker, but now he is gone, I'm on the front line Credit: Rii Schroer/Getty Images

Dear Richard

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appMy middle son is holding the rest of us to ransom with his tantrums

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appI am an 87-year-old widow. My husband died three years ago, leaving our three children with instructions to “look after your mum”.

All the children are in their 50s, but childhood jealousies continue. My middle son is usually charming, but has always been resentful of his elder brother. He is prone to meltdowns during which he shouts everyone down and will not allow anyone else to have an opinion.

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appMy husband was the peacemaker, but now he is gone, I am on the front line. The most recent outburst occurred on Christmas Day when he had a shouting match with his 17-year-old niece which ruined lunch.

The adults in the family think that my son is behaving more like a child than the children, and that he should control himself – but we all let it go because we prefer peace to reign.

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appHowever, these episodes are ruining my relationship with my son, though I believe he has no idea how I feel. I am a bit scared of him now without my husband acting as a buffer, and I am careful not to trigger another outburst when in his company.

Shall I speak to him quietly on our own? Do you think he may have a medical condition?

Min, Hants

Dear Min

This middle child of yours has grown into a bully. It’s ridiculous – and unacceptable – that a man in his 50s should be screaming at his 17-year-old niece over Christmas lunch, and it’s disturbing that his own mother is, at 87, secretly afraid of him.

I don’t like the sound of any of this and the fact that your son can “usually be charming” is the classic hallmark of a bully.

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appYou say everyone in the family turns a blind eye to preserve the peace. What peace? If there were peace, you wouldn’t have written to me.

This is not yours to resolve. You’ve earned the right to some tranquility and rest, and without your husband at your side you need to be protected from this nonsense. You should gather your other children and ask them to collectively intervene on your behalf.

Your middle child must be told bluntly how unhappy he’s making you – and, yes, that you’ve actually become fearful of your own son (shame on him).

He needs to be crystal clear that the rest of the family won’t stand for it any longer. An obvious sanction would be to stop inviting him to gatherings.

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appBullies never, ever respond to being appeased; they have to be challenged. That responsibility lies with your two other children and the wider adult family, not you. Don’t be ashamed to ask for their help; it’s their duty to step forward.

Dear Richard Madeley: 'My middle son is holding the rest of us to ransom with his tantrums'