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Dear Richard Madeley: 'My husband neglected to tell me about his vasectomy, can I ever forgive him?' 

Our agony uncle answers your questions each week. Write to him at dearrichard@wrpcnnpcng.com

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Dear Richard Madeley: 'My husband neglected to tell me about his vasectomy, can I ever forgive him?' 
'My husband neglected to tell me about his vasectomy, can I ever forgive him?'  Credit: RII SCHROER/GETTY IMAGES

Dear Richard

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appMy husband somehow neglected to tell me about his vasectomy

I recently married what I thought was the man of my dreams, only to discover that he’d had a vasectomy during his first marriage and not told me. We didn’t explicitly talk about children but I had always wanted a family. It seems he did not (he says there was no pressure from his first wife). I feel disillusioned and, implicitly at least, lied to. Right now I want to get a divorce. Am I being hasty?

Kay, via email

Dear Kay

2020欧洲杯体育足彩外围appWell, a straight question deserves a straight answer: yes, you are. But that doesn’t mean I don’t strongly sympathise with you: this dream guy should have told you he’d had a vasectomy, and it was remiss of him not to. Just turn the situation around for a moment. Supposing you knew you were infertile? Of course you’d share that fact with the man you were about to marry. If you didn’t, he’d be justified in feeling aggrieved and misled when he found out later.

I’m surprised the two of you left it until after the wedding for an explicit conversation about having children. Why was this? Could it be that both of you were nervous about bringing it up? Did you think it might put the other off the idea of marriage? That might explain your husband’s failure to be frank with you. If you were both back-pedalling on the subject, his omission falls into context.

But you are where you are – married, with a problem. I honestly don’t believe divorce is the answer; there are far more positive options open to you both. Vasectomies can be reversed, usually with a 50 per cent success rate within 15 years of the original operation, though it falls slightly after that. Even if a reversal fails, it is possible to remove sperm directly from the testes and use them in IVF treatment.

So you have reasons to be cheerful, Kay. Try to put your husband’s lack of frankness behind you and move forward into parenthood, if that’s what you both want. Good luck!

Dear Richard Madeley: 'My husband neglected to tell me about his vasectomy, can I ever forgive him?'